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Image: Michael Elliott / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ten years after 9/11 I still have a problem with images from that day. For some reason I can't look away when they come on TV - but looking at them brings back every emotion. Then, I was a single 20-something working hard and living in my first condo. I was in the process of breaking up with my college boyfriend (it's never that easy, right?) but somehow the events of the day brought us back together, at least for a few more days. I was terrified that a similar attack would be forthcoming, and had trouble sleeping for a few months.

Today, I'm, 30-something, happily married to an amazing man, still working hard, living in my first house and now I'm mom to a fantastic little boy. On this 10th anniversary of the attacks, it's bittersweet to look back at how many things have changed in my life for the better, but one thing remains the same - particularly in light of the news of more threats around the anniversary - I'm scared of another attack. Especially now as a mom. What if something happens and I'm away from my little boy and/or my husband? How will we find our way back together?

My reason for staying positive.

Sometimes when the images seep into my mind I get carried away in the fear, but today I've seen so many amazingly strong and positive people and families highlighted on TV or on the radio that I'm inspired. One woman on NPR today told the story of how she and her husband, a pilot on United flight 93, were just days away from celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary. Before that fateful day, he had ordered a baby grand piano that played their wedding song as an anniversary gift. The story she tells about how the piano arrived, days after his death, and what it meant to her then and what it means now, is amazing. While it clearly wasn't easy at first, she gave a parting message of living every day like it's your last, as her brave husband did.

So, while I have an underlying fear that probably won't go away - and it will probably ebb and flow like it has over the past 10 years - I'm holding on to the positive images and trying to be strong, particularly for my little boy. The day will come when he's old enough to want to know about 9/11. It's crazy to think that he will never know life before. I'm not sure if that's better or worse. Either way, I'm going to work hard to teach him tolerance and provide the happiest life I can - no matter what happens around us.

Simple Pleasures

Here are some photos from the past few months to help catch you up to speed! The photos are a lot more fun than any narrative I could come up with...

Birthday Pirate - clanging dog bowls so all in the land know to celebrate!

Learning to play baseball with Daddy while visiting family in New York.

Fun at Aunt Laura Ann and Uncle Tony's house!

Exhausted - aren't those tiny feet and diaper bum the cutest?

Big smiles for visiting Aunt Tiffy!

Meeting Great Grandma M for the first time.

My grandfather the Combat Pilot

My grandfather: Edgar deZuna

My family lost a great man yesterday when my grandfather, Edgar deZuna - better known to us grandkids as Papi, passed away. Papi was my mom's father and he lived a pretty remarkable life. He was born in Budapest, Hungary into a family whose history he and his brother would later trace back to the year 1,000 AD - all with their roots in Europe, but with the deepest roots in Hungary. Papi served in the Royal Hungarian Air Force as a reconnaissance pilot during World War II and he married my grandmother, Denise - aka Nana, only shortly before they had to flee the country for Austria and a displaced person's camp. They later made their way to the UK and finally to Canada where they made their home in Montreal and later Ottawa.

Papi chronicled his life - at least in part - in a book he wrote on a typewriter for my family called "Combat Pilot." It's been a long time since I've read it, but vivid stories of crashing into a field of sunflowers during a combat mission, losing their first child - a boy - in Austria because of the lack of food as they fled their home country and later moving north of the Arctic Circle to Goose Bay Canada where my mom and dad would meet stand out in my mind. I can't wait to read his story again.

We lived far from our grandparents (both sides) growing up so we weren't as close to them as some kids might be, but I have really wonderful memories of Papi convincing me as a little girl that I had a bumble bee living in my belly button, making "mixed drinks" out of raspberry syrup and soda water for me and my sister, and Papi's "Bun In The Oven" nightshirt that I think he secretly knew was a maternity shirt - but heck, it fit his belly pretty well so it was a good time to pull the "English is my second language" card and settle for comfort!

Papi and my cousin Sandy

Papi gave me a reason to be really proud of my Hungarian heritage and it was an amazing blessing to be able to visit the building he grew up in when I lived in Hungary as a college student. My music teacher invited us to his apartment in Budapest and, although I can't remember how the pieces came together, there was a sudden clarity that my grandfather had run the halls of the beautiful old building as a kid and I was overwhelmed by the connection.

Papi had an amazing life and I'm only sorry we weren't closer and that he never got to meet Baby F. But - I am convinced that Baby F sees angels (he's always smiling and pointing at things I just can't see!), so I'm certain they will know one another in a way that will be special to them. I will miss you, Papi. I loved you very much, and look forward to being reunited with you again someday.

Doctor Mom

Image: Jeroen van Oostrom /
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I've always been in awe of parents who do an amazing job without a strong support network - but after the past 48 hours of dealing with pink eye (me), an ear infection (Baby F), a fever (also Baby F), and now a cold (me again!) I have no idea how people without a partner or other help get by. Thank goodness for my husband who took Baby Duty last night while I fell into a Nyquil-induced coma (which I'm on my way to again as soon as the drugs kick in!)

I stayed home with Baby F yesterday in accordance with the school policy of no fever within the past 24 hours and it was tough! I thought he would cuddle up and take a nap with his sick mommy and all he wanted to do was crawl around and get into trouble.

I have a number of friends whose partners work jobs that keep them away from home either for days at a time (pilots, professors at universities in different states, traveling salespeople, etc.) as well as friends whose partner's work requires they be away from home during prime times like bed time or early in the morning (namely police officers) and I want to tip my hat to those amazing parents who somehow juggle their kids' needs with their own, always putting the kids first.

I guess as a parent that's just what you do. Kids first. It's a lucky choice to have to make, but a tough one when you're sick!

A CO PSA

This morning at about 4:30 we were startled awake by the carbon monoxide detector in Baby F's room. At first we didn't know what it was, and spent some bleary moments stumbling around looking for the source of the beep. We finally figured it out, and immediately checked on Baby F to make sure he was okay. Believe it or not, he slept through the whole ordeal...

The beeping was intermittent and we quickly learned that the alarm had simply malfunctioned, but it was scary nonetheless, particularly given that carbon monoxide is odorless and can be deadly.

Tonight on the way home I stopped by Target to buy two new carbon monoxide detectors. The CPSC recommends that ALL homes have a carbon monoxide detector. Whether you believe your home is at risk or not, isn't it worth a small investment for some peace of mind?

Surprise - It's a Snow Day!

Since I had to withdraw my Mother of the Year application after last night's hot soup incident, I'm hopeful that I can earn back some points tomorrow with an unexpected snow day with Baby F! It's going to be a juggle - mom vs. employee - but I know we'll make it work. Stay tuned for updates!

Cherub's Giggle

If you know my mom, you know that she's very creative and that she also really loves spending time with Baby F. This year for Christmas she married her creativity with my dad's current job at Water2Wine  to make a fantastic gift they named Cherub's Giggle.

I should have known that after a clandestine "photo shoot" with his Mimi that Baby F would be starring in our cherished Christmas gift - customized bottles of pinot noir and pinot grigio. We loved this gift and promptly consumed the wine which was delicious! I'd highly suggest this fun, custom bottle idea if you're in the market for a unique gift for a friend or loved one.

Holiday Treats to Holiday Lights - A Day of Giving

Today was a day of giving. It started when I delivered holiday treats and cards to Baby F's teachers at school, then handed out goodies to my coworkers. This evening I got to help decorate a cottage at Tennyson Center for Children, and capped off the night by making some food for tomorrow's teacher appreciation luncheon at Baby F's school. Whew!

Most moving for me today was helping to decorate the cottage at Tennyson. If you're not familiar with the organization, they provide services for abused and neglected children. GroundFloor Media has supported Tennyson for many years, and we decorated cottages last year, too - so maybe it's being a new mom, but interacting with the kids there this year was totally different for me. I couldn't help looking at their darling, eager faces and wondering how on earth they end up in abusive or neglectful situations. How could a parent do that to their child? I simply cannot imagine, but I'm so glad that organizations like Tennyson exist to provide a safe space and healing treatment for these kids.

Watching the kids get so excited about the decorating process, and hearing from them about their own holiday traditions (one girl hung her very own ornament which she said was "very old" - she received it on her first birthday nine years ago...) reminded me what the holidays really should be about. The kids were so eager to open the stockings we brought for them and watching them go through the small gifts inside again reminded me to be so grateful for all that I have - most importantly a loving family and friends.

I haven't started Christmas shopping yet, but am encouraged every day the holiday draws more near to focus on giving to those less fortunate. This year - and again, maybe it's being a first time mom... - but this year I would much rather give back than receive. It's what the Christmas spirit is all about.

Locked & Loaded

I cannot believe it - but my holiday treats are ready for delivery tomorrow to Baby F's teachers and to my co-workers. And - on top of it all - I completed an entire delivery of holiday treats for Zach's office earlier this week! Only one treat went horribly awry and actually ended up in the trash (it was that bad...), but the rest are tasty and ready to bring holiday smiles to people's faces. Details and recipe links to come!

Next up? Holiday cards... Goal? Stuffed, addressed, stamped and ready to hit the road by Monday. Stay tuned for progress updates!

From Russia With Love

Today was a very special day - I got to meet Laura and Greg Aden's little boy Jackson who they just adopted from Russia. What a darling, vibrant, happy and outgoing little boy! And did I mention ACTIVE? Oh boy... I need a nap thinking of how tired I'll be chasing Baby F around when he's Jackson's age!

I adore Laura for so many reasons (you should know that she hired me even though I spilled coffee all over her beautiful, winter-white outfit almost five years ago now...), but we became closer over the past few years sharing in the trials and tribulations of trying to grow our families - me struggling with infertility and her with the ups and downs of trying to adopt. What a blessing that today we're both fulfilled in having achieved our dreams of growing our families to include happy, healthy little boys! What a difference a year (or two) makes.

What strikes me the most on the battlegrounds of infertility and adoption is that sometimes the people who want babies the most - those who would really make the ultimate parents - are those who face the highest hurdles. Both infertility and adoption come at a high price (emotionally and monetarily), and some try and try at both avenues only to run into road blocks along the way. Not to mention the other side of the story - the sweet kids like Jackson who would love to join a loving home and have no understanding that there are loving parents out there, it's just not quite so easy to put two-and-two together.

My wish tonight is that all those out there struggling with whatever barriers exist between them and a loving family will have the strength and resources to overcome those barriers. No matter what their future family looks like, I can say from experience that in the end it's worth the struggle.

Cooking Makes Me Happy

I've always loved cooking, but now that I'm a mom and a wife I find real pleasure in being able to provide for my family by making great food. Maybe it's a little June Cleaver of me, but hey - it makes me happy...

Lately I've been on a real slow cooker kick, but this week I decided to go old school and make some quicker recipes. Thanks to my best friend Jody I was inspired to make chicken pot pie tonight and it was delicious! Basic recipe:

• Lay a pie crust into a pie pan
• Pick the meat from the bones of 1 roast chicken from the grocery
• Combine meat with 1 can cream of chicken (I used low fat/low sodium) and 1 can cream of potato
• Add veggies you'd like - I chose carrots, celery, onion and peas
• NOTE: I used all fresh veggies except the peas, which were frozen. I sauteed them slightly before mixing them in just to soften them a bit.
• Layer into a pie pan and top with pie crust
• Bake at 400 for about 30-45 minutes - until pie crust is browned and contents are bubbly

It was that easy, and totally delish. While the pot pie was baking, I also made Baby F some more apples and pears. The boy LOVES his fruit! I want to thank my dear friend Ashley for giving me two baby food books as gifts at my Book Club book baby shower. I love the books and find great joy in making Baby F's food from scratch. It tastes delicious and is very economical!

Okay, enough June Cleaver for tonight. Off to plan my next cooking adventure!

Bookworm In Training

I love the fact that when my husband reads to my son before bed he reads him the title, then the author, then launches into the story. Not sure why, but I think including the author adds a little something.

We love reading to Baby F and he really loves his books! My personal favorites are the Berenstain Bears books, but thanks to my amazing Book Club Girls who held a very meaningful book shower for me before Baby F was born, we have been introduced to a whole host of kid books that I wasn't familiar with before. Everyone was asked to bring their favorite childhood book (or books) to the shower and believe it or not, there wasn't a single duplicate! It tells me that we are all truly book lovers, even though "Book Club" is more often focused on drinking wine, eating cheese and talking about everything except the book.

I have referenced a particular research study a lot lately, so I wanted to note it here. The study shows that children raised in a home with a 500-book library achieve on average 6.6 more years of education. Amazing! We have a pretty healthy collection of books - and now we have even more reason to continue to expand our collection. Outside of the Berenstain Bears books, some personal favorites in my collection include classics The Great Gatsby and Lady Chatterly's Lover; beach favorites such as The Other Side of the Story and Watermelon by Marian Keyes; childhood staple The Little House on the Prairie series; and a favorite love story from my college years, Coming Home.

My husband has totally different taste in books, but together we're hopefully turning our little man into a bookworm all his own. Can't wait to see what his favorites end up being! I found some Bobbsey Twins books for him that were mine as a kid. I loved them... Wonder if they'll translate to today's kid when he's old enough to read them? What are some of your favorites?

I'm in the Navy!

I spent a blissful afternoon with my BFF Jody today celebrating our two birthdays (she on Nov. 20, me Dec. 4 - just two weeks apart!) We first stopped at Common Grounds for a delicious sandwich and some drinks, then on to the Oxford for mani/pedis. Believe it or not, this was Jody's first pedi and she loved it!

I saw an ad for something in a magazine recently where the girl had navy blue nail polish - so I decided to give it a try. OPI has this cool color called Russian Navy, and I love it! I got it on my toes and fingers and it looks really cool. Only problem is that it's not very forgiving, and I already have a nick on my finger nail that you simply cannot miss. Oh well - it's going to be fun while it lasts!

While the afternoon was lots of fun - nothing can beat the giant smile and jumping around "welcome home" that Baby F did when he saw me walk in the door! That kid is really cute... Wonderful birthday weekend all around!

Gaining Perspective On My Bir-s-day

Today was my birthday (or bir-s-day as my Hungarian grandmother says...) and it was a really nice day! Baby F "slept in" until about 7:30, then we all hung out in bed and opened cards and presents and played with the wrapping and envelopes (okay - that was just Baby F...) Once we finally got moving we had breakfast at Toast in Cherry Creek and then jetted off to Target to shop for holiday gifts for some children we "adopted" through the Denver Police Department.

We adopted three kids this year and it just breaks my heart to read their gift lists. While there are some fun gift requests (makeup for a 13-year-old girl, wrestling toys for an 11-year-old boy), there are also some that no kid I knew growing up would ask for, like a winter coat or shoes. Yes - we might have asked for a trendy coat (I remember the year I got my first jean jacket for Christmas - score!) or the latest style of shoes, but these kids are asking out of necessity, not to be trendy.

This year my entire perspective on the holidays has changed. Perhaps it's being a new mom, or maybe it's a part of becoming more socially aware, but it truly feels better to give to those in need and to simply enjoy being with the ones I love, celebrating all of the wonderful blessings we're so privileged to have. I hope the joy I get from giving to those in need passes along to Baby F.

A Day To Be Grateful

Today was a day full of things to be grateful for:

• This morning I dropped Baby F at school where he smiled like crazy at his teachers and friends when we arrived. For his love of school and all that he's learning, even at this early age, I am grateful.
• I also dropped two bags of baby clothes, some diapers Baby F outgrew and extra wipes at The Denver Rescue Mission. I simply cannot fathom what it would be like to be homeless or in need - particularly with an infant. For the fact that I have never had to contemplate this reality, but also for the fact that I can give and have been motivated to do so, I am grateful.
• I had an impromptu lunch date with my dear friend Carrie today. We met through work more than 10 years ago and we still work together today, although for a different employer than where we started out. For the fact that Carrie is in my life, and that we share so many wonderful friends and now years worth of memories, I am grateful.
• When I picked up Baby F he immediately smiled at me, and didn't stop smiling even when I dragged him to the grocery store instead of straight home. For his shining face and light in his eyes, I am grateful!

So many things to be grateful for this holiday season - I hope you are enjoying your blessings, too!

With Sincere Thanks

It's Thanksgiving, and I truly feel like the list of things I have to be thankful for could go on forever. Not only is today Thanksgiving, but it's my little guy's 6-month birthday - which tops my list of things to be thankful for. Being a mom has proven to be among the greatest joys in life. I cannot believe that just one year ago today I was just at the start of my second trimester of pregnancy - and I believe wearing maternity pants for the first time (what a relief that was!) And one year before that, I was frustratedly trying to figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant and just getting really serious about fertility treatment after nearly a year of trying with no results. What a difference just a few short years makes - and amazing that they only seem "short" in retrospect!

Among the other things I'm most thankful for this Thanksgiving: my loving and amazing husband, who is also a wonderful father; my supportive and giving family; lifelong friends; my rewarding job; a beautiful and warm home; delicious food on the table; and many, many more blessings. Happy Thanksgiving to all!